Would You Want to Know?

A group of us sat huddled around a table in the local gas station at one in the morning. We were sipping cokes eating sandwiches and laughing at silly jokes.

It's amazing how conversations that are lighthearted can quickly turn into deep discussions about the very core of our existence. We sat there laughing and then all of a sudden someone asked the question: "If you had a terminal disease that cannot be treated, would you want to know?"

We were all quiet for a moment, thinking, wondering.

At this point we've seen people who are dying, we've spoken to them, we've helped them into bed, we've put our hands over their chests to pump the blood through their body, we've seen them take their last breath and die. But, would we want to know if that was what was coming soon for us?

"Yes, of course," were my friends answers. Their reasoning, "Because I would want to make sure that I live life to the fullest."

I thought for a second longer before speaking and ironically my answer was the opposite of theirs, but for exactly the same reason.

If there's nothing I can do about it for myself or future children I would not want to know. I want to live my life to the fullest, I don't want my imminent demise hanging over my head anymore than it already is.

You see I believe you should always live life to the fullest, regardless of when or how you're going to die- why should having a terminal disease change the way I live? I live or I don't.

The truth is terminal diseases aside, anyone of us could die tomorrow in a freak accident or from some undetected health problem. I hate to say it like this, but if I do happen to go, I'm okay with that.

My friend gave me an "I'm concerned" look after I explained my reasoning so I continued to explain.

I've explored the world, I've done crazy things, I've loved and been loved, and most importantly I'm happy.

I'm not saying that I want to die or anything like that. Just that, I think we should all strive to live like we're going to die tomorrow. We should enjoy each sunset, each kiss, each moment of laughter like it's our last.

If that makes me sound crazy, then okay.

I'm enjoying life.